Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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