Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize