Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
