Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
