Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
