you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
my sisters under your porch take her home
It was confusing and full of hummus
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
