bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
