I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
