I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
