I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
