but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
