after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You took a bar mat shot.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Randomize
