I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I don't deserve a penis
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
