I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
