The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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