U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
