yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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