We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
