Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
did i walk over a car last night?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
