And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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