my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize