Having a random hookup so left but love u
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
