Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize