so let's talk penis.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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