Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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