went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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