I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
