i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
