what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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