I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
