I'm really into asian looking animals
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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