you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
