i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
