We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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