i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
