He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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