Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
