I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize