Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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