I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
