You're a womanizer and a bitch.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
