He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
