do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Randomize
