nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
