I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
