she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
