He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
