Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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