Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She's the barista slut.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
