When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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