I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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