he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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