I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
