In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
