I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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