i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
