she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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