you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
