My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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