She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
