why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
