tell your sister to shave her snatch
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Randomize
