What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
