pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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