so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
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I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
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I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
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