do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
