i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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