I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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