we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
