At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
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I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
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Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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