I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
MIDGETS
????
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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