You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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