Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
