Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
