Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My Higher Power is John Stamos
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
