If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
