he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
