We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
