yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
