He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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