Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
