i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
