I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i believe in u and ur pee
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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