He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
