I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
