Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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