I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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