Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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