I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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