so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
