Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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