i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
