swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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