Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
